Daughter.

Have you ever just cried through an entire session of Bible Study?  I did.  Yesterday, in fact, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why.  I just listened and breathed in the truth of the Word, and tears just flowed down my cheeks.  I whispered in my soul, “Ok, Father.  I feel this.  I don’t know why or what I am feeling, but I feel it.  And I want you to teach me what is going on here.”

All day, that story stuck with me.  Consuming my thoughts, and ever present there.  What story, you might ask?  Here.  Let me share: 

Luke 8: 40-48

⁴⁰ Now when Jesus returned, the crowd welcomed him, for they were all waiting for him.⁴¹ And there came a man named Jairus, who was a ruler of the synagogue. And falling at Jesus' feet, he implored him to come to his house, ⁴² for he had an only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she was dying.

As Jesus went, the people pressed around him. ⁴³ And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone. ⁴⁴ She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased.⁴⁵ And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!” ⁴⁶ But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” ⁴⁷ And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. ⁴⁸ And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”

Disclaimer:  I’m so totally not a biblical scholar.  Not even close.  But I do love Jesus and I know that the Word is living and active.  And this story, yall.  He is definitely using this part of his Word to tell me something.  I mean, just thinking about this story, I was crying.  Like 8 hours after Bible study.  So, let’s explore together.

A few givens, that I feel the need to explain from the beginning – so that you will know where I am coming from:

•   Jesus is both fully God and fully man. (John 1:14, Romans 8:3, Colossians 2:9, 1 Timothy 3:16, Philippians 2:5-8)
•  Jesus is omniscient.  He can not be taken by surprise.  (Psalm 139, Matthew 11:27, Romans 11:33-34, 1 Chronicles 28:9, Acts 5:1-10, Jeremiah 16:17, Isaiah 46:10) 
• Anytime Jesus gives people the opportunity to explain something that He already knew, it was a for a specific purpose.  And it should not be overlooked or taken lightly.

So, back to the story.  There are a few things that stick out to me to explore together:  the woman, the crowd, the action, and the revelation

The Woman:  This lady had an issue of blood.  She had been bleeding for like 12 years straight.  Can you even imagine? And let’s not forget this little important tidbit.  That would have made her unclean in the culture of her day, and she would have been confined outside the city.  Like she shouldn’t even be around the others.  But, this poor lady had tried everything.  Every doctor.  Every cure.  She spent her living on physicians to no avail.  She had nowhere else to turn.  Desperate.  Alone.  She decided step up and do the one thing that offered any hope.  Bring her faith to life.  Stop just believing and actually do something – reach out and touch Jesus.  The one her soul knew held the power to heal her.  The one her soul knew – and the one who knew her soul. 

This chickadee didn’t sit outside the camp, just chilling and praying and waiting.  She got her booty up and went out to meet Jesus.  She put her faith in action and her feet to the ground and did what she needed to do to get to the only ONE that could heal her.  BUT... she didn’t want to make a show out of it.  Why?  I mean, I guess there are so many details that we won’t ever truly understand here.  But, I think I see a little of me in her.  Not wanting to be made a big deal of – not wanting to be in the spotlight – just wanting to kind of slide under the radar.  Shame? Maybe.  Guilt? Maybe.  Fear? Maybe. Low self esteem? Maybe. 

The Crowd:  Let’s not overlook that there is a crowd of people here.  Like for real.  And they are pressing in on Jesus.  Even Peter says it when he responds to Jesus, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!”  These people were all up on Jesus.  Probably touching him, bumping into him.  He was surrounded by people and being touched by the crowd.  They were all over him.  It’s so funny to me how we all love our personal space, until somebody famous comes around.  Then we’re ok being shoulder to shoulder with hundreds of people – and even with the celebrity too.  Wonder if it was like you see on tv – those hundreds of teenage girls at a One Direction concert.  Falling all over each other and the singers, if given the chance. 

The Action:  Sweet, miserable, precious lady reaches out and grabs a corner of Jesus garment.  She didn’t even have to touch him.  Just the edge of his garment – if she could just touch something  connected to him, even that would be sufficient.  It is interesting here, that the scripture shows no evidence of her grabbing his garment and pulling it off (That would likely be the case in the One Direction scenario above.  Ha!).  Rather, this whole act seems to go unnoticed to everyone except the woman and Jesus.    And, the moment she touched his garment, she was healed.  That very instant.  No magic words, no formula of rules or steps she had to follow.  Just reaching out and touching the edge of his garment was all it took. 

The Revelation: Notice, this story names Jairus, but her name is never mentioned.  Wonder why?  Maybe she didn’t feel she was important enough to be recognized by name.  Am I the only one who is like that?  Thinking that I’m not important enough or special enough to be recognized, or to even state my name or for people to remember who I am.  Good gravy, ladies, (myself included) we have got to GRAB HOLD of our WORTH!  Here is the most interesting and perplexing part to me – Jesus didn’t just let this woman and her healing go unnoticed.  This woman couldn’t just ease away and continue in anonymity.  He gave her the opportunity to present herself to the crowd.  He wanted everyone to see his daughter.  The one he loves and delights in.  The one he healed and made whole. 

Jesus knew her.  He knew she was there and he knew she had touched Him.  He knew the power went out from Him because He chose to allow it.  There were no surprises here, and he could have definitely continued down the path to Jairus’s house without stopping to acknowledge this.  But, Jesus.  He LOVES us.  We are really cherished by him.  Notice, in verse 48 he says, “Daughter.”  Daughter.  Loved.  Adored.  Precious one.  Almost as if He is calling her out of the shadows and into the light.  Not to be embarrassed, but to be introduced as the precious one he knows and loves. “Daughter, your faith has made you well.” 

And it’s as if I can hear him whispering to me.  I love you.  My daughter.  You are chosen and special and I take great delight in you.  Not a compliment to be dismissed – as I so often do.  (Let’s be honest here.  E.v.e.r.y.t.i.m.e. I receive a compliment, I dismiss it – either out loud, or in my mind.)  But one to be relished and savored.  One to delight in.  That my Father loves me and takes great delight in me.  He loves me enough to call me out of the shadows and introduce me as his beloved.  He doesn’t desire a life on anonymity, but rather wants me to embrace life as his daughter.  Favored.  Chosen.  Adopted.  Desired.  Known.  Loved.  Cherished.  Special. 

The Century Plant and the Parable of the Century

There's this road that I travel occasionally... and on it is one of the most glorious sights.  The first time I saw it, about a year ago, I thought it was a gigantic aloe plant.  I had never seen one that large before.  I was intrigued.

(I guess it's one of those things about me that only those closest to me understand - I am easily intrigued by simple things that others pass by without even noticing.  I am, what I like to call, a noticer.  The color of the sky, a bird, a plant, the sparkle in a baby's eyes... I find joy and excitement in the simple.  And, it works for me.  I'm never bored.  There is always something to notice and study and enjoy.)

Well, since noticing the plant, I have chosen to travel that particular road a little more often the past year.  Just watching, observing, marveling, noticing.  I slow down when I pass the house with the plant in the yard.  I start noticing other similar plants in various places.  And, so, like any good noticer, I do a little research on the plant.

Turns out, the giant aloe is actually a century plant.

It's pretty big, right?  Well, this amazing thing happened.  As I continued to travel down this road, over the course of several months, the plant shot up this huge stalk and bloomed!  Like, if you have never seen this before, it is glorious!  the stalk of blooms has to be at least 15 feet tall!

And, I'm noticing the bloom, but there's also something else... little baby century plants around the bottom.  You can see them growing, their little leaves poking out from the base of the mama plant.  Reaching out for sunlight, and just emerging.


As the days pass, the mama plant's leaves start to dry up and wither.  Ah, the beautiful irony of life.  It blooms, a glorious 15 foot display for all to see, and then it dies.  Such is life for the century plant.  So, as I'm driving by, I'm noticing the babies.  The little baby plants are being covered by the withering dying leaves of the century plant.  The mama's death is looking like imminent death for the babies as well.  Because the babies are still growing right at the base of the mama plant, they are being smothered by the dead, limp, dying leaves of their mama.

So, I'm on this one year journey down this road noticing this plant, and God speaks to me.  Like I'm supposed to have been noticing this for the past year because he is showing me something through this plant as an amazing parable to some pretty recent life events.

You see, no matter what we do, there are always people watching, and always people following.  So, we do this or we do that and people watch and are intrigued and come and nuzzle right up under you and plant themselves there.

Well, that's kinda awesome if you're like following Jesus.  Come on, watch me, follow me, and nuzzle right up under me and plant yourself there cause I'm following Jesus and I'm gonna point you in the right direction.  Cool.  Awesome.  No harm there, right?

But what happens when you fall victim to sin?  (What?!?! That never happens, right?!?!)  Let's be real here.  What happens when your pride gets in the way and you start doing what you feel like doing and those little babies are nuzzled up under you?  What are they thinking as you shoot your stalk of pride and selfish gain straight to the sky?  Well, they can't really see that, as they are still nuzzled right up under you.What happens now, as the flowers of idolatry bloom in your life?  You still look pretty good from afar.  There is a difference, definitely something there that wasn't there before, but on the outside, it looks good.  No one can really see the inner workings of death in your roots, leaves, and life.  Those little babies are under your leaves, just peeking out toward the sunlight.  They have NO. IDEA. what is coming next.

And then, it starts to happen.  The giant leaves start to die and fall over on the baby plants.  Oh no!  The babies can no longer see the light, and they are burdened under the heaviness of the leaves of the mama plant.  They are trying to search for the sun, but the heaviness and darkness of the mama plant's leaves are literally killing them.  Suffocating them.  The very one they followed and nuzzled up under and grew underneath is now the one blocking the light from their life.

Oh, how I pray for the master gardener to come and detach all those little babies from the mama plant.  Take them far away so that they may bask in the sunlight and drink deep of the living water that brings life and not death.  That the master gardener would prune them so that they would bear good fruit and not succomb to the lies of pride, selfish gain, and idolatry in their own lives.

And we, as fellow mama plants would never invite anyone to plant themselves under us.  But, instead, would point out places full of light and truth and living water where other little baby plants can choose to plant themselves and grow.  And, there, together, we all seek the true light, the living water, the breath of life that comes only from our creator.

Little babies, plant yourselves in Jesus.  Take root in his word.  Man will always fail you.  We are all flawed, fallible creatures, prone to wander, and prone to sin.  None of us will ever be completely free from sin, and none of us are worthy for you to nuzzle under and plant yourself close to our roots.  So, dear ones, plant yourselves in Jesus.  Keep others nearby, but don't nuzzle under someone else.  Be who God made you to be.  Seek the true light (John 1:9)and the living water (Jeremiah 17:13, John 4:10).  Grow alongside others who are doing the same thing.  But plant yourselves in Jesus.  Nuzzle up under his light and truth.  Drink deep of his living water that will never run dry.

THIS is how I am doing...

My life hasn't always been rainbows and lollipops.  Unwed pregnant college student, newlywed poor college student and mother, times of unemployment and unsure futures, divorced single mom of 2, foster mom... The list of hard things in my life is much longer.  (This is just the highlight reel! Haha!)  

But this week, I have experienced the hardest thing yet.  Letting my precious baby girl go to her first overnight visit with her bio family. For over 2 years, I have loved her with my whole heart. Late nights, early mornings, weeks together in various hospitals.  From bottles and burp cloths to potty training  and Abcs. I never knew how long I would share my day to day life with her, but I always knew that I wanted it to be forever.  

And now, the time has come to allow her to be loved and cared for by her biological family.   I have known for months that today was coming. But it hasn't lessened the pain. I have cried off and on for days. Days. 

I cannot explain the emptiness. The shock. The sheer pain from the impending loss.  If letting go for one night feels like this, how will I ever survive letting go forever?  Well, let's be real here. I will never let go. But still, the pain. It's like nothing I have ever experienced before.  

You see, this isn't happening because of my choosing, or because of hers. It's really one of the great ironies of life - in that those who are stepping in to care for her are doing it out of love. So, there's really no one in particular to be upset with. I guess this is where people wind up sometimes and decide to get mad at God. I know better than that. So, I just seem to have discussions with Him instead.

"Jesus, you know how much I love her.  I don't think I can do this. I love her too much for this."

And then, almost immediately, I hear Him say, "I know, sweet girl. Just like I love you."  

Goodness, I am loved so very much. So very much more than I could ever imagine. He just reminds me over and over again. And then, sweet friends who love Jesus let Him use them to share his encouragement with me. (Like two different people, 200 miles apart, shared the same scripture with me today.) 

Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Philippians 4:4-7 MSG)

So, I read His words. (Because obviously, he really wants me to read this.  He sent it to me twice through two different people!)  I read. And I cry. (Imagine that!) But what happens next is different... Different than yesterday. Different from earlier today. It's peace. Peace. And so, I rest in His peace. 

Admittedly, I tend to fret and worry again pretty quickly. Especially about this situation. But, I am so thankful. Jesus loves me. He has given me both his spirit and his word. And so, as I preach the gospel to myself...

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. (Romans 8:26-28 MSG)

For thus says the Lord : “Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem. You shall see, and your heart shall rejoice; your bones shall flourish like the grass; and the hand of the Lord shall be known to his servants, and he shall show his indignation against his enemies. (Isaiah 66:12-14 ESV) (I had to keep this one in the ESV because when God first spoke to my heart about losing my baby girl, these were the exact words he spoke and it just means a lot. Exactly how this one is worded.) 

God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon’s scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God’s Word. We can’t get away from it—no matter what. (Hebrews 4:12, 13 MSG)

We can't get away from it. Read his word and you will be transformed. From the inside out. And so, the tears continue. But I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing to trust the only one who can be trusted with those that I love so dearly. I continue to place my life - and the life of my precious baby girl - into the hands of Jesus. 

Jesus Makes Us Family

Today, at lunch, there were two dads, three moms, and six kids scattered around the table. At one point during the meal, I noticed a dad holding a sleeping baby that wasn't his.  Another dad was holding laughing and playing with another baby that was not his either. One mom was eating with two free hands for probably the first time in six months. And another mom… Well, she was sharing her lunch with her biological son and another boy of no relation to her.  

At that moment, I made eye contact with my husband and smiled. It was one of those moments.  The moments where it's just like God is speaking so loud and clear - and today, He was reminding me of the full revelation that Jesus really just made us all family. 

And here we sit around this big table together: each one of us loving one another, caring for one another, and each one of us loving Jesus. It was a beautiful moment, and yet, at the same time, just an every day moment. But nonetheless a moment That God impressed upon my heart that regardless of our relation to one another, Jesus made us all family.  

My prayer is that He would continue to allow me to see the beauty - His beauty in the everyday moments.